Satan Lived In My House

In honor of my mother's birthday, I'm posting this story - It's a classic and one of my all-time-favorites.

For any of you that don't know me, I was previously married to an idiot.  During the 5th year of our marriage, my parents came to stay with us one weekend.  (We lived about 3 hours from them)  For the most part, everything was as "normal."  The parental units spent Friday night at the house without incident.  We spent the entire Saturday doing parent/grown-children activities..  They spent the night Saturday night - and planned on leaving on Sunday morning after breakfast.  All seemed to go according to plan.

Several months later I called my parents to let them know that I was filing for divorce from the idiot.  After they FREAKED OUT, my mother and I had the following strange conversation:

MOM:   I KNEW something was wrong when we stayed with you a few months ago.

ME:   Really?  Were we acting weird?

MOM:  No.  On our last night there, I woke up in the middle of the night, and I was freezing.  I got up and walked thru the house, and there was this strange feeling surrounding me.  It was Satan.

ME:  Are you sure? Maybe you just needed a fluffy blanket.

MOM:  No, I’m certain it was Satan.  And, now that you tell me that you’re getting divorced, this confirms that Satan was definitely in your house.

OK.  Fine.  Let’s just go with her story.   I then took a moment to reflect on the morning after her demonic encounter.  On that Sunday morning, we got up, made yummy eggs, pancakes, bacon, biscuits. We drank coffee on the back porch.  We had fresh orange juice.   There was not a single mention of Satan the entire morning.  They packed up their crap – hugged, kissed – and off they went. 

Now, 3 months later – I find out that Satan lives in my house!  REALLY??!!

So, I called her back to let her know that if she thought Satan lived in my house, I think a reasonable person would MENTION such an encounter to the homeowner.  For example, maybe that Sunday morning we could have had this kind of conversation:

ME:   So, mom.. how’d you sleep last night?

MOM:  Fine, except for the fact that I was woken-up in the middle of the night by the very presence of Satan.  These pancakes are extra fluffy.  I’d like another cup of coffee.

Maybe Satan WAS there… that’s not really what I’m disputing.   I just think it would have been considerate to have been told.   So, if any of you plan on spending any time with me, and you feel any demonic spirits in my house, I would freakin appreciate a heads-up.