My Sister Pee’s Her Pants

My baby sister has a leaky bladder.  It’s not her fault, really.  I think it’s genetic.  We come from a long line of people who pee on themselves.   It normally happens during deep, hard….. 

LAUGHTER.   Get your mind out of the gutter. 

She will probably pee on herself while she’s reading this story.  Or she’ll be really pissed (no pun intended)… but that’s a chance I’m willing to take.

*Actual Picture of me and my sister *

There are so very many pee-in-your-pants stories, and my goal is to make each blog less than 3 minutes to read…   therefore, I have to choose my pee-in-your-pants story with careful consideration to give you the most bang for your buck.   I think I’ve narrowed it down to two stories.

About 2 years ago, my sister came to visit one weekend.  The first evening, we ate dinner, and then sat on the couch where we both had a small, yet delicious adult beverage.  Apparently, my sister’s tolerance for alcohol is VERY low, and is directly related to her tendency to pee.

This is the order: 

STEP 1: Drinking,

STEP 2: Laughing

STEP 3: Falling

STEP 4: Peeing

So, we’re on the couch DRINKING.  She has started LAUGHING.  So,we’ve covered the Steps 1 and 2..  I knew it was coming….

I saw my sister fall over and roll off the couch….   Yep, Step 3 had arrived….we’re on our way

Laying flat on her face, spread eagle on the floor, she peed a flood.  On my floor.  We have arrived at Step 4.  

Oh, I forgot about STEP 5 – SCREAMING.  That’s my favorite part.   So, let’s review, she was laying on my floor, facedown, spread eagle, while she was screaming: 

“I’M PEEING ON MYSELF!!!”

While she lay in a pool of her own pee, unable to get up, my son runs into the room and shoots Nerf bullets out of his Nerf machine gun at her butt.  Good times, Good times.

The next fun-filled pee event occurred in public.  There is nothing more enjoyable than having your sister pee herself in public.  It’s magical.  It’s like having leprechauns dancing and throwing gold coins in your pockets.

We were in Epcot, having a refreshing margarita in Mexico.  All was good.  For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that my sister’s falling, peeing, and screaming were in my near future.  I knew the drill.  Yet, for whatever reason, that yummy-margarita caused temporary amnesia. 

The next country was Norway.  We had some kind of Norway-drink.  Then we got to China, and had a Chinese-drink.  Then we got to Morocco… and that’s when I saw STEP 2 coming.  Once STEP 2 happens, you can’t stop it.. It’s like trying to stop the rotation of the earth with your mind.  Or your strength.  Either way.. you just can’t stop it.

By the time we got to Japan, we entered STEP 3 (falling) and STEP 4 (peeing).. Followed immediately with STEP 5 (screaming).  The screaming is always the same – with little variation:

“I’M PEEING IN MY PANTS!!!”            

*Actual Picture of my sister falling down, yet she is NOT peeing in this picture *

           

With every ounce of strength I had, I somehow got us through America and arrived in France.   And France rhymes with “Pants” … so I had a lot of funny little limericks that I could have used … but at that point, she wanted to lay on the floor in the middle of the movie theatre in the Eiffel Tower.  (There’s a place in France where my sister pee’s her pants..)  Sorry, I had to.

Good news, by the time we got to Canada, we were sober, she was dry, and we had not been removed by security.  So, overall – it was a good day.

And, this concludes this episode of ... "My Sister Pee's Her Pants."   Thanks for coming.  Please come again.