Not Your Mamma's Devotion

My brother in law (yes the popcorn kernel guy) gave me a bumper-sticker for my birthday a few years ago.. it read:

I wasn't allowed to put in on the car.  (??)  

I. LOVE. THAT. FRICKIN. BUMPER.STICKER.  It sits in my top drawer, amongst my panties in my dresser.  Some people read the Bible, but I read my bumper sticker every day when I pull out a new pair of panties. 

There are at least 417 billion times a day that I encounter someone that makes me scream it so loud in my mind over and over and over and over again...that I'm certain that it will just rupture and spew out like rabid aliens eating their own flesh..  Sometimes, while I am conversing with various of these a-hole people, I actually have a hard time believing that even Jesus loves them.  Jesus must be super awesome.  Because all I can do is picture a gianormous rusty pitchfork stabbed in their heads.

So, this isn't my most uplifting blog, sorry.. I can't always tell funny stories ALL THE TIME.  But, I bet most of you have felt this way, and you have suppressed it deep deep inside..... and your bowels are now all messed up, you have high blood pressure, and an ulcer.  How 'bout you start a blog and get it off your chest? I feel better already.

I'll leave you with this... The best advice of the day: "It's a good idea to test out how people will react to the words "Jesus" and "asshole" before you post it to your facebook profile.  Show a little self-restraint. Your audience will appreciate the awkward-but-present segue into the more offensive and disturbing branch of your sense of humor."

Also, don't underestimate the value of a bumper sticker as a super-awesome birthday present.