Feeling Conflicted About The Grinch

Its that time of year again – where everyone is full of Christmas cheer and holiday spirit.. and every single Christmas movie ever made is on TV and I feel strangely compelled to watch them all.  This won’t be a long blog, but I’m going to tell you people right now that I am conflicted about the Grinch That Stole Christmas.  I know why the Grinch is pissed off and I don’t blame him for hating those crazy Who-holes.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to come to your house and steal your shit, so don’t go all crazy.

I’m keepin’ it real.  Little Cindy Lou Who is annoying.  And so are her parents.  And so are all the effing happy little Who-holes that live in Who- ville.   What is going on there??  It’s like they are all peeing rainbows and shooting gold nuggets out of their cornholios.  I find it unrealistic that those Who-lios are that who-happy.

And does Cindy Lou Who have NO common sense?  If some green dude came to my house in the middle of the night – who looked like he ate a SATANIC Keebler Elf…  I sure as hell wouldn’t be all lovey-dovey with him.  Cindy Lou Who should have picked up her happy-frickn-phone and dialed 911.  That’s what a reasonable Who-viller would have done.  (that kind of rhymes.  Read it again in your Dr. Seuss voice.)

*Hello evil-looking-satanic stranger. I would like to be your friend.*

The Grinch just wanted some peace and quiet.  He was sick of all their singing.  Do you want to hear people singing ALL THE TIME when you’re trying to make strange inventions in your dark cave?  NO.  No one does.

 *Note: The Grinch continously uses a toothpick which indicates good oral hygene*

And, I can tell you right now that if I woke up on Christmas morning and all my crap was gone, and I ran outside… and all my neighbors realized that all their crap was gone too… I BET you that we would not be holding hands in a BIG circle singing :

"Fah who for-aze! Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Dah who dor-aze!"

What does that even mean?!?

When I was a kid and I was watching the Grinch movie, I remember thinking… WHAT THE CRAP?  Why doesn’t Santa Claus come down and open a can of  Santa-style-WHOOP-ASS on the Grinch.  Santa was all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving.  If Santa was too busy, he could have sent about 10 angry elves.  Ten angry elves could EASILY whoop the Grinch.  Especially if it was a surprise attack.

*a collage of Christmas helpers that could potentially kick some Grinch-ass. Especially top tow, 4th over from the left.  Not sure that's really even a Christmas character.  Maybe Santa brings him along when he's delivering to the hood.*

Finally, why did the Grinch steal JUST Christmas?  Why not Kwanzaa? Kwanzaa is supposedly near the same time.  Does NO ONE in Who-ville celebrate Kwanzaa?

Who-ville is very confusing.  This is where I feel compelled to interject that a few Christmases ago, my mother threw all my sister’s Christmas presents in the front yard and screamed:

“GO TO HELL!” 

It’s like our own little Who-ville. 

*Now, if the Grinch stole the cookies, we'd have ourselves a problem. ..

No one steals mamma's cookies*