Warning: this may only be funny to me.
This particular PERSON is like an accountant/auditor/money PERSON. THIS PERSON would log down EVERY cent spent, including giving me 50 cents to get a Coke out of the vending machine. good grief.
So, to set up the scenario - (reading from the top - down).. THIS UNNAMED PERSON sent me the original email *FIVE* years ago explaining why I didn't get a Christmas card. Then, to top it all off... at the very bottom of the email.. THIS UNNAMED PERSON explains that I'm now OFF the Christmas card list.
I even emailed THE UNNAMED PERSON a helpful point system to use to determine who can stay on the list and who gets voted off the list... which obviously has NOT been used.
This is a real email. I'm not making this stuff up. ENJOY!
********************************************************
From:*****
Sent: Tue 12/12/2006 5:50 PM
To: Kelly
Subject: hey..
I sent your xmas card to your old address - hopefully, it will still forward.
______________________________________________________________
From: Kelly
To:*****
Subject: RE: hey..
Subject: RE: hey..
i doubt it will. we moved a year and a half ago. do you have my new
address?
Kelly
_______________________________________________________________
From: *****
To: Kelly
Subject: RE: hey..
Didn't realize it was that long ago. I now have your new address because I got your card today. I'll re-fwd my card to you when it comes back. You'll get it in Feb. :)
_________________________________________________________________
From: Kelly
Sent: To:****
Subject: RE: hey..
Subject: RE: hey..
just put another .39 stamp on a new card and mail it. I will reimburse you the cost of the stamp and the extra card.
Kelly
___________________________________________________________________
From: ****
To: Legg, Kelly
To: Legg, Kelly
Subject: RE: hey..
I know you will enjoy my logic, so this is the thing: I bought $170 worth of Christmas cards on ebay this year, one kind of card for each of the next six years for 60 people. So, everyone gets the same card every year. If I start mixing the kinds of cards (like I have over the last 10 or so years), then I'll have to keep detailed records so no one will get a repeat card in the future. It is very stressful - people complained last year when I only took a picture of a Christmas Card and emailed it everyone in lieu of the real thing. So, unfortunately, you will have to wait for the USPostal service to return your card, at which time I will forward, since I ran out of this year's card.
Yes, my life is this complicated. And yes, I will be single for the rest of my life.
______________________________________________________________________
From: Kelly
TO ****
TO ****
Subject: RE: hey..
I appreciate your logic; however, I am perplexed at the limit of 60 people.
Obviously I am flattered that I am still on the top 60 list... however, what happens.. let’s say.. next year you gain 1 or 2 new friends? (I know that seems far-fetched. but it could happen).
SO, therefore you will need to devise some kind of point system in order to
determine who will be removed from the top 60 Christmas card list. Please
consider the following system:
1. Length of friendship - 1 point for every year of friendship
2. Male/Female - 10 points for females/ 5 points for males
3. Good looks - can assign up to 20 points for females. 0 points for males
4. Likelihood of intimate relationship - up to 10 points
(0-points for "not a chance in hell", 10 points for "I've
already tapped it".)
This only applies to new female applicants, obviously.
5. Likelihood of future employment - up to 10 points - Evaluate if the person is a potential employer, owns his own company, or if you can benefit financially by knowing them.
The person with the lowest accumulative points is eliminated from that year's Christmas card list.
Hope this info helps.
Kelly
_________________________________________________
From:****
Sent: Monday, December 19, 2011 10:35 AM
To: Legg, Kelly
Subject: FW: hey..
Just ran across this email (from FIVE years ago), and had a good laugh! Merry Christmas!!
_________________________________________________
From: Kelly
TO: *****
Subject: RE: hey..
Subject: RE: hey..
OMG!! I just laughed my ass off!!Am I still in the top 60 list ? My point system was awesome.
And apparently you're still single. :)
Kelly
From: ****
Sent: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 10:45 AM
Sent: Tuesday, December 20, 2011 10:45 AM
To: Kelly
Subject: RE: hey..
Well, I actually got my cards off this year, but I'm down to about 20 now. sorry, you didn't make the cut. I just don't have the energy/time anymore for large #s of cards. Doesn't mean that I wish any less Christmas/New Year's sentiment for non-card recipients of course. Watch for my impersonal facebook Christmas greeting at some point... :)
I'm better off single, but I'm not giving up all hope. Ha!
________________________________________
From: Kelly
TO: *****
Subject: RE: hey..
Subject: RE: hey..
I refuse believe that I didn't make the top 20 if you continued to use my extraordinary point system.
According to your email in 2006, you bought 6 years worth of cards. That was only 5 years ago. I should still get my card this year.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
Kelly
__________________________________________________
To: Kelly
From: *****
I'll make it happen. Only since you are lobbying hard.
