A Documentary of Random Strange Things At My Mom and Dad's House

I wouldn't even call this entry a "blog".. its pretty much a documentary of things that I noticed at my mom and dad's house when I was visiting a few weeks ago: (if you click on any of the pictures, it opens them up bigger.. if you feel you need to examine more closely...)


#1 - Elmo christmas stocking with another Elmo  - picture speaks for itself.  It looks like little Elmo is being completely violated

#2 -Completely bizarre Nativity scene.  First, the *ANGEL* that apparently was hanging at one point.. obviously is no longer hanging.  So she's laying spread-eagle on the edge of the scene.  Then, its more than apparent that all those people are way more interested in looking at the shepard-dude holding the lamb.  They are all looking at that damn lamb.  6.8 pound Baby Jesus is sittin' all in his swaddling clothes saying:

"HEY, look over here.. its me! I'm baby Jesus! Look at ME.  Stop looking at that stupid lamb.  I could snap my fingers and that little lamb would be DEAD because I can do cool shit like that."  

Ok, I don't think that's what baby jesus would say, but this whole Nativity scene seems a little "off" to me.  And, there is a small picture of a nativity scene  infront of the shepard dude.  Its like my mom needed a picture to remember what the scene was supposed to look like, yet she still failed to deliver.  (FYI, I didn't touch anything, this is how I found it.)




#3 - This toy was staring at me when I was peeing in the main guest bathroom.  I don't even know what that thing really is, and why is he sitting on the edge of the tub, eye level with people's crotch, right infront of the toilet?  Disconcerting.

#4 - My mother's mailbox.  This mailbox was mentioned in a previous blog (My Mother Opposes Everything)...   I have a regular white mailbox, with a little red flag.  That's it.  This mailbox has clearly been violated.  And you see on the left side that they had the house numbers in red, however, they put a clip over it... so it makes perfect sense to then put numbers on the right side.. because it wouldn't make a lick of sense to just move the clip.  And I don't think you can put your house number too many times on your mailbox. Or put too many clips on there, or bumper stickers, or names.  Lots of names.  Perfectly normal. (This is also proving to you DOUBTERS that my mom's mailbox IS, in fact, NOT RIGHT.) 

#5 - My mother has too many ladles (numbered in red.. and I think there is one missing).  How many things could you possibly ladle at the exact same time?  What makes you buy another ladle?  Are you walking throught the kitchen utensil aisle at WalMart and you pass by the ladles, and you say, "Hey, I only have 3 ladles!  I think I shall purchase another ladle!"   Really?  But, dear GOD!  How many spatchulas does one woman need?. HOW many things to you need to spatchula at the same time.  There are SIX spatchulas labeled in green.  And to top it off.. THREE wooden spoons (numbered in blue).  Its just a lot of utensils. 

#6 - There is a gianormous pile of books on a dresser in the hallway outside of the bathroom.  And they are partially covering up the "wall of pictures of ME."  Rude.

#7 - My mother has framed her highschool prom picture and it sits on the dresser in my parent's bedroom.  The guy in the picture is NOT my dad.  Then, to make things "even", she has a picture of my dad with his high-school girlfriend (taken at a high school reunion.)  This seems perfectly normal to them.

#8 - My mother obviously has a fear of running out of salt and pepper.  There are probably 20 different salt and pepper shakers randomly distributed throughout the kitchen.  Here is a picture of some on the table.  I feel particularily *sad* for the snowman salt shaker.  He is without his partner.  I think the other salt/pepper shakers are mocking him.

#9 - If I'm at my parent's house for more than 20 minutes, something bad happens to my mind, and everyone starts looking funny and I get an overwhelming craving for burritos, xanax, and bourbon.  Here is a picture of my sister and my 2 neices.. Yes, this is what happens if you spend too much time there. 

There, I'm done.  This concludes our walking tour of  "A Documentary of Random Strange Things At My Mom and Dad's House."  Thanks for stopping by.  Tell your friends or my next blog will be about your momma.