My very simple announcement is that - I am a DREAM CRUSHER.
You know when you are a kid and people tell you that you can be "anything you want to be.".... Well, those people are *LIARS*...
Here is my very true story...
My 13 yr old son says to me:
"Mom, you always told me that you'd support me in anything I do, right?"
Me: "Hmmm. No,No, I'm pretty sure I've never said that. For example, I wouldn't support you doing drugs."
Boy: "Well, I want to break into the music industry."
*Not actual son in picture, but very close*
Me: "Sure, great idea. People break into the music industry all the time." (undetected sarcasm)
Boy: "Great, I need for you to buy me some video production software, an editing system, and some other various expensive pieces of equipment."
Me: "I was just kidding. I'm not going to support you BREAKING INTO THE MUSIC INDUSTRY."
Boy: "You're a DREAM CRUSHER."
Me: "For god's sake. Just be an orthodontist."
*pause, pause, pause*
Boy: "I'll still go to college. I'll probably live with my girlfriend."
What the hell did he just say to me?
Me: "Ummmm, well... that's not going to happen."
Boy: "Why?"
This is when it occurs to me that I'm a complete failure as a parent. He honestly has no idea why this would probably not be ok with me. All my efforts seem futile.
I thought of all the logical reasons why.. .such as (but not limited to...)
.. DON'T YOU WATCH JUDGE JUDY??
People are always suing the people they lived with. It's an epidemic. Co-mingling is a bad idea.. especially in college. Especially if you think I'm paying for your love shack. Not.Going.To.Happen.
Trying to not act alarmed, I decided to go with the Christian angle...
Me: (in my calm voice)"Well, you just went through confirmation at church. So, you should know why living with your girlfriend in college isn't a good idea."
Boy: (BLANK LOOK)
Me: "You know.. God doesn't really like ..you know....ummm.... ummmm... fornication."
Boy: "AND HOW DOES THIS APPLY TO ME??"
Me: (BLANK LOOK)
EPIC FAIL. Approximately 3, 956 thoughts flew through my head... of brilliant things to say.. words of wisdom... and I ended up with...
Me: "Because YOU'LL END UP ON JUDGE JUDY, THAT'S WHY."
Boy: "Ok. Then, can I have a flat screen tv?"
Moral of the story: The boy has learned that if he says something absolutely unreasonable, that it will throw me so off-balance, that asking for almost anything else will sound COMPLETELY reasonable. Fornication vs. Flatscreen TV. Flatscreen will always win. HE.IS.BRILLIANT.AFTER.ALL.
